Ugly Beautiful Girl Read online

  Table of Contents

  Blurb

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Note to the Reader

  Thank You

  About the Author

  Contents

  Blurb

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Note to the Reader

  Thank You

  About the Author

  Ugly Beautiful Girl

  A Novel by Tracy Krimmer

  The ugly one. The weird one. The nerdy one.

  That's me. And I don't want it to be anymore.

  Now that I'm a freshman in college, I can reinvent myself. Now is my time to make my mark on the world.

  But Olivia Fisher doesn't exactly make that easy. My entire school career up until now is embodied in this one person set to make my life miserable. And I can't shake her.

  I can't shake her brother, either. Jesse is the complete opposite of his sister, and he makes me feel things I've never felt before.

  Wanted. Important. Beautiful.

  But we can't be together because it isn't real. Someone like him could never fall for someone like me. We aren't meant to fit together.

  Even if I fall apart without him.

  Ugly Beautiful Girl

  A Novel

  Tracy Krimmer

  Copyright 2017 by Tracy Krimmer

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

  Cover image ©️kikovic, Image # 115358458, depositphotos

  Chapter One

  prey

  even if i lurk

  in the shadows

  they find me

  they search for me

  stalk me as

  their prey

  i’m the mouse

  to their cat

  the bird

  to their dog

  coyotes hiding

  waiting to pounce

  they don't puncture my skin

  or wound me

  with their sharp teeth

  they laugh at me

  their words bite me

  doing more damage

  than their fists ever could

  even when I'm in the shadows

  they find me

  ^^^

  October 2010 — Sixth Grade

  I pushed at the green beans on my plate. This is food? My mom insisted I eat hot lunch on Mondays. She hated Mondays and trying to get back into the swing of things. Making me a sandwich was one less thing she had to worry about. Fine. I tried to pack my own, but she always complained about what I chose. I loved Mountain Dew and Little Debbie Cakes. Maybe if she didn’t want me to eat them, she shouldn’t have bought them. It’s not as though I had a job and could purchase the groceries.

  “Violet! Did you hear about the Slam Book?” My classmate, Tina, sat down next to me, almost smacking her lunch tray into mine.

  I liked Tina. She wasn’t one of the super popular kids. She fell more into the “preppy” crowd. Top-notch grades, a great attitude, part of the band. She didn’t have to be nice to me, but she was anyway. We spent time together before at the park and the library. My mom didn’t care for me to have friends over, not that I had too many to invite.

  “No. I didn’t. What’s a slam book?” Even though I didn’t keep up with all the social sites like most, I still kept up-to-date on what they were. Whatever this thing was, it didn’t sound very pleasant.

  “Well, back when our parents were kids, I guess it was a notebook passed around the school. Kasey Moore started one online through a file sharing system. You go in anonymously and answer all these questions about people. Want to take a peek?”

  Tina sneaked her cell phone out of her pocket. I couldn’t believe she brought it out of her backpack. She could earn detention for that. I’d never spent a day holed up in what everyone referred to as “The Punishment Room,” and I was sure she hadn’t either. I didn’t want to start. I waited as she opened a document titled “Slam Book.”

  “See? Here’s favorite radio station, who people like, best and worst teacher, most likely to become a celebrity.” She handed me her phone, and I flipped through some of the questions.

  “What’s the point?” This read like a quiz, a poll set up for no apparent reason.

  “I don’t know. To see what people like, I guess.”

  I kept going through the file, not impressed by the content. The further into the files I went, the darker it became. The worst kisser, smelliest, sluttiest. My stomach lurched at what the people who saw this must have thought when they came across their name. All their classmates writing negative things about them, not even behind their back.

  That’s when my heart dropped.

  Weirdest—Violet Duncan. Fattest—Violet Duncan. Ugliest—Violet Duncan.

  My lip quivered, and I bit down as the first tear fell. The words blurred through the fog though I still recognized my name and the adjectives it represented.

  “What’s wrong?” Tina asked as she took the phone from me and scrolled through. The smile on her face disappeared as she reached the document I viewed. “Oh. I had no idea.”

  I stared down at my lunch, the green beans becoming a puddled mess as my tears fell onto them. The drops echoed through the room as they crashed onto my plastic tray, each splash a kick to my gut, a slap in my face as my classmates slammed my existence.

  “Don’t believe what they say. They don’t know you.”

  Tina said it. She sat next to me and told me that the slam book file told everyone the truth. The file existed only to serve opinion behind a shield. People judged from behind a screen without worry, saying things they’d never say directly to you. Except they still said all these things to my face. They’d all called me weird. Fat. Ugly. Thunder Thighs. Pimple Face. Bubble Butt. They shot these words at me in every direction each day. Seeing it in print somehow finalized their opinion of me, I guess.

  “Yes, they do.” I picked up my tray of food and stood. “I’m the ugly one. The fat one. The weird one. And I always will be.” I pulled the tears in and tried not to suck in too much air. “Excuse me.”

  I walked in an almost catatonic state to the garbage can and dropped my food in, tray and all. I picked up the pace as I made my way to the bathroom. Once inside, I rushed to the last stall, locked the door shut tight, and burst into tears.

  It wasn’t the first time I
cried until all my tears dried up, and it wouldn’t be the last.

  Chapter Two

  A New Day

  I’ve waited for this day.

  Time to start new.

  It’s time to put the past

  Behind me

  Where it belongs.

  The sun has set

  On all those horrible days.

  A new horizon awaits.

  Take me there.

  ^^^

  Present Day, First Day of College

  I fling the last of my bags onto my bed. I don’t think my roommate has arrived yet. Both beds are empty, the walls just as bare. I don’t recall the room being as small as it is when I toured campus with my parents. Back when the freedom dangled before me, teasing me, everything seemed so much bigger. Now I’m here, and my parents are moments away from cutting the strings, sending me out on my own. I feel more lost than ever.

  Maybe I’m not ready for this.

  “Well, Violet, I think that’s everything.” My dad pulls up his pants using the belt loops. He should learn to buy jeans that fit him if he insists on wearing them one or two sizes too big to appear thinner. Or invest in a belt. I make a mental note to buy him one for his birthday. Something beer related, which is in direct relation to how his gut expanded over the years. It doesn’t bother me though. My dad’s a big teddy bear, and I love him.

  With my dad’s words, it’s obvious that this is my reality. I’m eighteen years old and on my own. My parents don’t worry about me, though, constantly telling me I’m ready for this, and I know the difference between right and wrong. I can handle the academics of it all. That’s how I earned my scholarships. It’s the social scene that worries me.

  “We have to get back to your little sister.” Mom touches my dad’s elbow urging him along. My Aunt Fiona is watching my baby sister, Rose. I’m not surprised my mother wants to get back to her baby. I wish I could remember what it was like to be five years old without a care in the world and the center of Mom’s attention.

  “Thank you for everything. Are you sure you don’t want to stay a little longer? Maybe you could help me decorate.”

  My dad chuckles, placing a heavy hand on my shoulder. “It’s your first official year at college, sweetheart. You don’t want your old Mom and Dad hanging around.”

  I kind of do though. I’m in a brand new place, totally new surroundings, and they want me to blend in as though I belong here. I don’t belong anywhere. I wanted a room to myself but that didn’t happen. I’ll be sharing my space with a total stranger. What if we have nothing in common? What if we do? All this is happening so fast. Can’t life slow down a little?

  There’s no time like the present, though, to learn how things work.

  “Okay.” I take a deep breath in and exhale. I’ve waited too long for this moment. My dad is right. It’s time to forge ahead, take control of my future, use this time to do things differently. I can say goodbye to the past twelve years of my life and hello to the new me, once I figure out how to do that. “Can you call me when you get home so I know you arrived safely?”

  “Honey, that’s something that parents ask their children to do, not the other way around.” Mom shrugs me off. I know if this were thirteen years in the future and Rose stood before her, she’d agree to do so. I love my little sister. None of this is her fault. I’m just really tired of the favoritism. With me here for the next four years and home only in the summer, Rose will land all the perks of being an only child. My parents live close to campus but if I’m to truly be on my own, I can’t be there every weekend. This is my home now.

  I say my final goodbyes to my parents while holding back tears. That’s me, always crying. Considering Mom already thinks I’m acting like a baby, I don’t want to give her more of a reason to label me as such.

  I shut the door behind them and plop down on the bed. What’s the first thing I should do as an independent adult?

  Take a nap.

  “Five more minutes, okay, Mom?” I roll to the side. My knee hits the floor first, my hip slams into the ground, and my shoulder crashes onto the floor. I rub my shoulder. That hurt, but thankfully I don’t think I broke anything. What the hell is happening?

  “I’m not your mommy, and you’re in my bed.”

  I open my eyes and adjust my sight. Standing before me is a tall girl, her blonde curls in a perfect symmetry around her head, falling well beneath her shoulders. She has on more makeup than I probably even own. I have one lipstick and an eyeliner. This girl is an entire makeup aisle.

  “I’m sorry. I’m Violet,” I say as I realize who this woman is. “You must be my roommate.” I stand and wipe my dark hair out of my face. Some of it sticks to my cheeks, and I realize I’ve been drooling.

  “Well, Violet, my name is Olivia, and the right side of the room is mine, so I suggest you move your stuff before I move it for you. If I end up doing it, chances are it’ll all end up on the grass outside.”

  Great. When I imagined my college roommate, I hoped for someone I could become friends with, we’d stay up late together, go to the best parties (once I convinced myself to attend one), and maybe we’d even have some of the same classes.

  So much for that.

  “Okay… When I got here the room was empty. No one had moved in yet.”

  “Yeah, well, I’m here now. And the right side of the room is mine. So move it or lose it.”

  I stand there, trying to process what is happening as she goes into the hallway and returns with a bag and two men behind her. “This girl is Lily, or Hydrangea, or Daisy. Whatever. She’s named after a flower. It’s not important. This area is mine so shove her stuff to the other side and put mine down.”

  “Sure thing, Liv.” The dark-haired boy slams a clearly over packed suitcase onto the ground.

  “Hey! Be careful with that, Alex.”

  “Sorry.” The boy named Alex leaves the room for a moment and comes back in pulling a cart full of boxes.

  “Hey, my name is Jesse.” The other boy, with blonde hair meeting his shoulders, a jawline stronger than steel, and eyes as green as the lushest grass, reaches his hand out for me. “The devil over here is my sister. I didn’t catch your actual name.”

  Olivia glares at her brother, her face turning a hundred shades of red. She ignores him, and I step in.

  “My name is Violet. Don’t call your sister the devil.”

  “He can call me whatever he wants. He knows he’s an asshole.” Shock catches in my throat as I witness this banter between siblings. I’ll never experience this, not until much later in life, but I certainly hope Rose and I don’t call each other names like this, even in fun.

  Based on Olivia’s face, I’m not so sure this is all in fun.

  “Olivia can believe what she wants. Let me give you some advice, Violet. My sister will act like she’s the boss, but you put her in her place. She’s harmless, despite what she may have you think. Right, Alex?”

  Alex stops mid-box drop and glances up at Jesse. He raises his eyebrows and practically takes a chunk out of his lip. “Um…”

  “Alex! You’re supposed to be my boyfriend. Defend me. Tell my brother off!” She slaps Alex on the arm, and the box drops on his foot.

  “Ow!”

  “Oh, please. That box has purses in it. It’s not like it’s full of books.” She rolls her eyes and smiles.

  “That’s right, Alex. We both know Olivia doesn’t read books.”

  “Okay, get out.” She points to the door, her face so red now I can almost feel the heat radiating off her. “Now! I’ll take care of this myself.”

  Jesse smirks, nodding his head as he walks toward the door. He stops for a moment before looking back at me. “Remember what I said. Don’t let her get away with anything.”

  Olivia picks her pillow up and throws it at Jesse, who ducks, sending the pillow catapulting into the hallway. “Out!” The two walk toward the door and she stops Alex. “Call me later.” She kisses him before slamming the door in th
eir faces.

  Sigh. This should be fun.

  “You may pick up your schedule to the right. Amy, Steven, and Molly will assist you. Once you have them, meet up with one of the group leaders to your left to walk you around campus and find your classrooms. We also have tea, water, and soda along with cookies back by Carol.” The tall, lanky man named Brandon flings his arms to every angle of the gymnasium. My eyes follow to the cookies. I’ll grab my schedule and head over there.

  After arranging my room last night, I didn’t sleep at all. I hope I don’t spend the next four years sleeping with my eyes open. Olivia made it clear she doesn’t tolerate snoring. I don’t think I snore but her threat sure made me afraid I do. I fell in and out of sleep all night and remained out of bed once she left for the day. I pretended to be asleep during her one-hour makeup session.

  I’m not a coffee drinker, but if I were, I know I would have the biggest cup possible right now. I’m thankful I have my large Mountain Dew to help keep me awake.

  The yawn to put all other yawns to shame escapes my body, and I cover my mouth when I realize how loud it is. A few people around me turn around and look, but I shrug it off. I’m too tired to care.

  “Out partying already last night?”

  “Excuse me?”

  I turn around to a face I’ve never seen before. I don’t recall this girl from any of the campus visits I came to, nor have I seen her in my dorm. Her bright hair is hard to miss, slick against her face, parted on the left, one side longer than the other. Her freckled nose curls up as she smiles.