Candy Christmas Read online

  “Thank you.” The decorations were all Lexy and to be honest, it looks like Santa’s workshop took over my apartment. From twinkling lights strung everywhere to the back of my door resembling a snowman, and even the white balloons hung to make it look like it’s snowing, Lexy takes party planning to an entirely new level.

  “I didn’t even want to have this party.” I don’t make eye contact with him but instead look past him at my coworkers leaving messes in their wakes. No one is using a coaster, cookie crumbs cover my once spotless floor, and Smelly Steven is using my throw pillows as a chair. (I didn't give him that nickname but he's earned it by eating raw onions in his cubicle. Yes. In his cubicle!)

  “Then why have it?”

  Ah, the million dollar question. “I’m not technically the one throwing it. Lexy is. She’s using my apartment because it’s bigger.”

  “If it’s not your party, then, want to get out of here?”

  Get out of here? And go where? I can’t leave my own party. Can I? Lexy can handle everything on her own. She is anyway, really. It seems to me she only put me in charge of keeping Jeremy company. I want to do that, but I’m already running out of things to say. The only things I can think of I can’t say to him because they are way too embarrassing.

  “Candy? Are you there?” He waves his hand in front of my face. My eyes are zoning out so it’s a little blurry. I snap out of it. “Want to get out of here?”

  “And go where?” I ask and immediately wish I could take the question back. My reaction was quick, unplanned, and a little harsh.

  “Ladies and gentlemen, if I can have your attention!” Lexy shouts from across the room. “It’s time for Christmas karaoke! In this bowl, I have the names of famous Christmas songs. When it’s your turn, you can pick from the bowl. The winner tonight will get Dave’s leftovers from The Rib Shack!”

  The crowd cheers and I roll my eyes. Dave goes out to lunch almost every day to this rib place, and when he comes back, everyone begs for a taste. I’m not surprised the crowd is excited about this. I don’t want anyone’s leftovers, though, especially if it means I have to do karaoke to do it. I slide onto the kitchen chair and slouch down. Hopefully she won't notice me.

  "Jeremy! Do you want to go first?"

  Crap. She points right at him, and he's standing next to me, his hand on the chair almost touching my back.

  He chugs his beer. "Sure." I think he looks at me, but I don't make eye contact. "You in?"

  I shake my head and slouch down more. He puts his glass on the table and finds his way through the crowd to where Lexy is standing.

  She shoots the bucket out toward him, and he pulls a sheet of paper.

  "Okay. Where's the mic?"

  "No mic. You can sing loud enough."

  "Okay. If you say so."

  Wait. So she has no mic and from what I see no actual karaoke machine. Where are the lyrics? Oh gosh, this is worse than I thought.

  "All right. If you don't know the words, make some up."

  She holds her phone up, and I can barely make out it's her iTunes app and it's cued to an instrumental version of “All I Want For Christmas Is You.”

  Jeremy clears his throat and the music starts. He swings his hips to the beat and tosses in some arm movements. I place my hand on my forehead. I can't believe what I'm seeing. I'm embarrassed, and I'm not even the one singing.

  He starts to belt out the words, but not in his own voice. His voice is high-pitched, singing as though Mariah Carey were. Oh. My. God.

  The crowd doesn't care. They love it. Love it. They're clapping and singing along. By the time Jeremy is done, his curls are wet and he's sweating and the crowd is chanting his name. Clearly he has no issue with crowds. Meanwhile I sneak out to my home office and shut the door behind me.

  Chapter Three

  I move my finger around the touchpad with force, but nothing happens. All I want to do is send an email to my mom complaining about this party and everything froze on me. This is why I converted to a Mac in the first place—fewer problems. But problems always follow me, better computer or not. I shouldn’t be surprised this is happening.

  I slam the laptop shut and open it back up, hoping that somehow solves things. It doesn’t. I press the Power key but nothing moves. Why won’t this damn thing even turn off? What does the world have against me? I open and close my laptop one more time when someone knocks on my door.

  The door opens before I even offer entrance and Jeremy walks through. I quickly open the computer back up and start typing on a blank screen in an attempt to appear busy. I can’t have him think I came in here to escape from the party. I had something important to do. “Can I help you?” I normally force a smile when at work but with Jeremy, being fake is unnecessary. The simple thought of him brings radiance to my face.

  “Yeah.” He shuts the door behind him drowning out the music in the background. I think I hear Melony, my supervisor, singing a chopped up version of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.” I don’t think I’m missing much of anything. “You disappeared. Is everything okay?” He cocks his head and his eyes soften behind his dark glasses.

  “What? Yeah. It’s fine. I’m not a karaoke fan.” Or a fan of crowds. Or parties. Or anything involving more than my immediate family and closest friend, really. No offense to Jeremy.

  “Not even watching others make a fool of themselves?” He approaches my desk and I type furiously again, hoping he’ll turn around and keep walking out that door. I want to hide here until the party is over and my apartment is empty. Even watching others makes me uncomfortable.

  I shrug as I continue focusing on the black screen, involved in my fake email. “Watching can lead to my best friend yanking me up on stage, resulting me in throwing up on everyone.”

  Oh no. I’ve fit vomit into the conversation. Can this day be over already? Christmas is in two days and not only do I have Christmas Eve off, but I’ve taken the entire week off. I won’t have to see these people for a while. Tomorrow I can clean this mess of an apartment, knit, and watch Elf. My teacups could use some reorganization, too. My aunt brought beautiful white teacups with a teal and gold swirl pattern back from her trip to England. I’m anxious to fit them into my display.

  “First, there’s no stage, just your living room. Lexy didn’t even care to set up a faux stage or provide a microphone. Second, if you need to throw up, tell me and I’ll clear the pathway to the bathroom and even hold your hair. And lastly, does Lexy make all your decisions for you?”

  I stop typing and inside my mind is telling me to scream “No!” and “Get out!” and “How dare you?” but I understand where he’s coming from. Lexy doesn’t mean to tell me what to do. I just never disagree with her. Disagreements lead to arguments which lead to uncomfortable situations. No, thank you. I dealt enough with yelling with my parents before their divorce. If I can avoid the possibility of a confrontation, you bet your bottom dollar I will.

  “Typing up something important?”

  I’ve been deep in thought and didn’t realize he’s now next to me mocking my frozen screen. Why couldn’t it have at least crapped out on me in the middle of typing my email? I wouldn’t look like such a fool then. I clear my throat as I struggle with what to say. “So nothing is moving on my computer. The thing froze on me.”

  “You weren’t writing a fake email or pretending to be working in a program then?”

  I stare at my screen as I bite my lower lip to a point I’m almost certain I’ll draw blood if I don’t stop. What do I say here? If I say I’m typing an email, I’ll look like a lunatic. If I tell him I was typing like that thinking that was going to unfreeze my laptop, he’ll think I’m a dummy when it comes to computers. I mean, I’m not that great at them, I can do basic stuff, but email should be easy.

  I’m thankful when he doesn’t give me a chance to answer the question and pulls my laptop away from me. He holds down the power button for a few seconds and my laptop turns off. One more long hold of the button and on it g
oes.

  “Most people don’t hold the button long enough.”

  Seriously? That’s all I needed to do? Hold the button longer? “Thanks.” Can I crawl under the table now? What now? Do I go back to the party? I really don’t want Lexy to suck me into karaoke. It can totally happen. I know because it usually does. “I’m kind of an idiot when it comes to computers.”

  “Don’t say that. You’re far from it.”

  “No. I am. They should make a Computers for Candy book. You know, like the Dummies ones, but specifically for me.”

  “You don’t fix computers every single day. I once helped a lady for the same reason. Her computer wouldn’t turn on. I checked all the wires and connections and couldn’t figure out what the problem was. Finally, I touched the top of the tower and it was wet. She then tells me she had a cup of water that spilled over it.”

  “No way.” My mouth drops open and I cover it with my hand. “Even I’m not that dumb.”

  “See? I told you.” He turns my laptop back toward me. “So, do you want to type a real email or would you like to join the party?”

  I want to join the party, but only if it’s me and him. Can’t we stay in my office and talk? I can keep breaking my laptop and he can fix it. How much I’d love that, but I can’t say the words. Instead I hesitate before whispering, “Party.”

  Chapter Four

  The moment I return to the party, I’m washed with regret. Lexy announces yet another event, this time a game. When did this become a child’s birthday party? I’m standing close to my office door with Jeremy next to me, and he smells so good. If I’m forced to be here I would rather try and hold a conversation with Jeremy than play games with everyone. Better to make a fool of myself in front of one person than an entire crowd. I’m never doing this again, offering up my home for a party. I knew from the start this was a bad idea and here I am.

  “The name of the game is Kiss Relay!” Lexy announces. She’s standing on my kitchen chair, a table of silver, green, and red wrapped chocolate kisses surrounding her. “We’ll have two teams of five for each round and you’ll line up here.” She points around the table and waits. “Come on, now! Jeremy, Candy get up here.” I shake my head and move my stare to my tree instead of at Lexy. “Come on now, don’t be shy.”

  Jeremy takes a hold of my hand, and the warmth and firmness are unexpected. My thoughts escape me, and my sensibility, as I follow him. She splits us into different teams. “Dave, Monica, Paulie, Stacia, you all come behind Candy, and Susan, Bill, Danielle, Phil you all go behind Jeremy.” She points to the crowd. “I’ll split the rest of you up the next few rounds.”

  We all take our places and wait for direction. She holds up two pairs of mittens. “The first person will have on these mittens. You must grab one kiss from the bowl and unwrap it and then place it in the mouth of the person behind you. I don’t care how the kiss gets there, as long as it does and your mittens remain on. Then give your mittens to that person and they’ll repeat what you just did. The first team done wins.”

  What the hell? What kind of a game is this? I feel as though we’re at a young teen’s birthday party and about to play spin the bottle. Before I can open my mouth to kindly drop out, she yells “Go!” and Dave is behind me screaming at me to start. Jeremy already has his kiss out of the bowl and is frantically ripping at the wrapper, and my mittens aren’t even on. I panic and push them on, throwing my hand in the bowl, promptly knocking it over, and all the candies fall out.

  “Don’t worry! Keep going!” Lexy yells as she scoops them up and starts putting them back in the bowl.

  I roll the chocolate around in my mittens. How in the world am I supposed grip this? I almost have a flap open when Jeremy announces he got his opened. He turns around and Susan opens her mouth and Jeremy promptly tosses it in. I can’t believe she caught it. I keep rushing trying to open the kiss. Nothing is working. My teammates are cheering me on, or at least trying to push me.

  “Come on, Candy!”

  “Focus!”

  “We’re losing! Open the thing!”

  My eyes are welling up and my lip quivering as I push harder and harder trying to unwrap this. By the time Jeremy’s team makes it through, my candy is smashed and starting to melt.

  I failed my team. They counted on me to win this one and I couldn’t even do that. This is why I don’t participate in these types of events. This is the reason I keep to myself and structure my life around working, my mom, and Lexy. I knit. I collect my teacups. That’s it.

  Because when I step out into social situations, the shell around me suffocates me until it shatters into pieces, leaving nothing but traces of my broken heart.

  As the crowd cheers Jeremy’s team and mine snickers behind me, I pull off my mittens and set them on the table, turn, and walk away.

  Moments later I find myself on the rooftop deck, surrounded by a dusting of freshly fallen snow, and only my ugly sweater to keep me warm. Let’s hope it’s at least good for that.

  I wipe off a space on the bench that surrounds the ledge and plop down, ready to burst into tears but my eyes are glued open because they’re so cold. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to be out here, but I need to escape for a few minutes at least.

  The door pops open and Lexy joins me. “What’s up, girl? Why did you run off like that?”

  “Why did I run off? Did you see what happened?”

  “So you lost. Big deal.”

  “Big deal? You humiliated me in front of the entire department, and most of all, Jeremy.” I can’t even look at her. I stare into the sparkle of a light. I love the way the apartment manager decorates up here. The Christmas lights are on a timer and they go on at five every evening and stay on until about three in the morning. The setting is gorgeous against the snow.

  She steps toward me and stands until she is towering over me. I still don’t look at her. “I didn’t make you do anything. You could have easily said you didn’t want to play that game.”

  “No, I couldn’t. That’s the thing about us. Sometimes it really feels like it’s just you. You take over my apartment and invite like fifty people over, force me to play games that put me in front of all these people and to top it off, you invite Jeremy.”

  She crosses her arms, and I turn to look at her. She’s looking up at the moon, her lips tight and jaw clenching. “Wow.”

  “Yeah, wow is right.”

  “What I mean is wow I can’t believe you just said that to me. I’m trying to help you come out of your shell, Candy. You sit in this apartment all the time. You don’t talk to anyone but me at work. Besides me, your mom is your closest friend. I thought maybe it was about time you become a little bit more outgoing.”

  “I don’t want to be outgoing. I don’t need to be.”

  “I just want you to be happy.”

  “Who said I wasn’t?”

  Not surprisingly, she doesn’t have a response. Those words have never come out of my mouth.

  “But you spend all your time here. You don’t have much of a social life.”

  “Who said I needed to be out every night? I like being home. I don’t need to be friends with all my coworkers, and yes, my mom is my closest friend. I don’t need you telling me how to live my life.”

  She sits down next to me not even bothering to clear the snow. “I’m so sorry, Candy. I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing.”

  I shrug, not sure of what else to say, but I’m proud of myself for saying anything at all. “I let people walk all over me.”

  “Well, you shouldn’t.”

  I glare at her.

  “Oh, sorry. That’s me telling you what to do again, isn’t it?”

  I offer a half-smile because I know what she is trying to say. “Being part of the crowd, talking to everyone, that’s never been me. It’s great if it’s you, but that’s you. I like to think we balance each other out. I’m the shy one. You’re the outgoing one. We’re a good mix.”

  She slides her arm ar
ound me. “I like that. Will you accept my apology?”

  How can I not? She’s my bestie. “Of course I do.”

  “But I won’t apologize for inviting Jeremy. You like him, and I don’t want you to miss out on something great.”

  We turn our heads as the rooftop door opens again.

  “Ah, right on cue.”

  Jeremy smiles at her, and she hops off the bench without saying goodbye.

  And he and I are left alone.

  •••

  “Hi!” I sit up from my mopey stance and straighten myself out.

  “Hi. I missed you down at the party.”

  “You did?”

  Jeremy steps toward me and points to where Lexy had been sitting. “May I?”

  “Yeah. Sit. Please.”

  He sits down and takes his jacket off. “You must be freezing.” The jacket is heavy against my shoulders and back.

  “Thanks. But won’t you be cold?”

  “Nah. I’m fine. You’ve been out here for a while. You have to be freezing.” I was, but now that he’s here with me, I’m not. “Thanks. You’re very sweet.”

  “Sorry I kicked your butt in the kisses game.”

  “What? Oh, thank you. I mean, what? I mean, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. Lexy likes to do this kind of stuff.”

  “She’s a good friend.”

  “Yeah, she has her moments.” That’s not a lie. Even though I felt like she was cornering me and forcing me into things, deep down her intentions are always good.

  He reaches for his jacket. “Do you need this back?” I pull it off my shoulders and he stops me.

  “No, leave it on. I need something from my pocket.” He reaches in and his hand brushes my back. “Here.”

  He hands me the box he had when he came in. “What’s this?”

  “I know I’m not supposed to say, but I’m your Secret Santa.”