Ugly Beautiful Girl Read online

  I write down a number and hand it back to him.

  “What’s this?” He asks as he folds it in half and shoves it in his pocket, indicating he knows exactly what it is.

  “My phone number,” I say. “Call me sometime.”

  I can’t believe how unorganized I am. I’ve been here a few weeks now and I can’t seem to find a process that works well for me. With only a closet, my bed, and a desk, it should be easy, but I’m struggling to make sense of it all. I don’t like too much clutter on my desk but where am I supposed to go with all of it? I’ve spent the better part of my afternoon on Pinterest searching for organization ideas for dorm rooms. I don’t know where people come up with this stuff. My dorm room sure doesn’t look like anything I’m seeing on there. Where do people come up with the money to make these things? Honestly, it’d be cheaper just to buy these items in the store. The best thing I can come up with to add is a cork board. It’ll save a little space, I guess.

  Olivia hasn’t been around much today. I came back from the store and she and Alex were snuggling on her bed. Once I came into the room, they left. He’s here so often I wonder if he even goes to school. I know he’s not too far away from here, but how does he have so much time to be here?

  My stomach tells me it’s almost time to eat. I downed the Mountain Dew and Sour Patch Kids the second Olivia left the room. Stress eating. Now I don’t know what I’m in the mood for. The only thing I am sure of is that I need food in my belly sooner than later. I stack my papers on the top of my desk and shove the pens sitting out in the drawer. I can finish this after I eat. When I go to grab my dorm room keys off my night stand, my cell phone rings. I don’t recognize the number at all. Should I even answer it? I hate telemarketing calls. Chances are, that’s what it is.

  My mom would tell me I’m being rude by not answering the phone. She would say someone took the time to dial the phone so I should take the time to answer it. It’s funny coming from her seeing as she spends most of her time texting instead of calling people. I guess my mom goes more by the do as I say not as I do. Even though I am 90% sure I am about to pick up a call with somebody claiming I’ve won an all expenses paid vacation or that I need to switch my credit card, I hit the accept button on my phone. “Hello?”

  I expect to hear static before a recorded voice talks. Even the telemarketers these days won’t even start a conversation until they determine they have a live person on the phone. Sometimes even then, it’s still a robot the entire call.

  “Violet. It’s Jesse.”

  I trip over my own feet and almost slam into the door. I gave him my number no less than two hours ago. He can’t be calling me already, can he?

  “Jesse, hi. I wasn’t expecting your call.”

  “You weren’t? You gave me your phone number. Do you normally give your phone number to people you don’t want to call you?”

  I’m off to a shaky start already. “No. That’s not what I meant. I mean, isn’t there like a two or three-day rule before you call someone?” I’ve never given someone my phone number before, especially not a boy, but I always thought there was some sort of protocol to follow for this stuff. I make a mental note to ask Janna about it. She’s the expert. Not me.

  “I don’t follow any dumb rules like that. If an attractive woman wants to give me her phone number and asks me to call her, I’m going to do it.”

  Did he call me attractive? There’s no way I heard him correctly. I can’t ask him to repeat it. Besides, what if I ask him to and that’s not even close to what he said? I’ll pretend he didn’t use the word, or any word, at all.

  I don’t know what to say next. He’s the one who called me. He should have discussion points ready. I sit down on my bed and wait for him to say something. Anything, because I hadn’t a clue what to do next.

  “Are you busy right now?”

  My stomach spins. Does he want to see me? I contemplate my answer. If I tell him no, he may think I normally sit in my dorm room alone. That’s not a completely far fetched assumption, though. Telling him yes could mean he’s not going to say what I think, hope, he will say.

  “I’m starving. I was about to get some food.”

  “Me, too,” he says. “Care for some company?”

  I place my hand over my eyes as a shy smile floats across my face. Is this really happening? “Um...yeah...sure.” That sounds like I don’t want him to come. “I mean, if you’re about to eat, and I’m about to eat, I guess we might as well do it together.”

  Do it together. What am I saying here? I’m making a damn fool out of myself is what I’m doing.

  “Good. Then it’s settled. I’ll be over in about fifteen minutes, and I’ll bring something to eat.”

  He’s coming over? Now? And bringing me food? “Okay.” What else can I say? Olivia isn’t here so I don’t need to worry about her. Besides, if she comes back to the room, what is she really going to do with Jesse there? Nothing.

  And fifteen minutes later, he’s not a second late as he pops through my door with two bowls of ramen noodles, a beaming smile, and looking as slick as ever with his hair tied back tightly.

  “Come on in,” I invite him in, motioning toward the desk I’ve cleaned off for us. I took everything off the top and shoved it either under my bed or into the closet so we could have a space to eat. He sets the bowls down and slides my chair out for me.

  “Where will you sit?”

  He steals a chair from Olivia’s desk, pinching my gut and twisting it into a maze. If she were to walk in right now and see he took something from her side of the room, I’d never hear the end of it. I don’t say anything, though. I can’t. What will he think of me if I’m afraid of his sister? How silly is that?

  “Thanks for the ramen noodles. I haven’t had enough of these in the past few days.” The typical college diet on a typical college budget.

  “But this isn’t chicken. This is shrimp.”

  “Ah, and quality shrimp at that.” I take a bite with a tad bit of caution. Do I trust microwaveable seafood even if it’s only flavored that way? College students have been eating this for years. At just less than a quarter a package, it’s more than affordable, so we make it work.

  “Maybe one day I’ll take you out for a real seafood dinner.”

  I stop mid-chew when he suggests this. Is he planning a date for the two of us? No. Never. Not me. I’m not the kind of girl anyone dates. Jesse is much too good looking to be out in public with someone like me. People would look at us and wonder how that even happened.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  Have I been silent that long? I need to think of something, fast, that isn’t related to my jumbo butt and cottage cheese legs. Guys don’t want to hear about that kind of stuff.

  “Tacos.”

  Tacos? Did I just say tacos? Great job, Violet.

  “Tacos? What about them?”

  “Um, I really like tacos. They’re like my favorite. The hard shell filled with beef, lettuce, cheese, tomato, guacamole, cilantro, onion. All of it. What’s your favorite?” I think I saved myself. I mean, I didn’t come off as a complete idiot. Only half of one.

  He smiles. “Tacos are good. I’m a seafood fan myself. Do you know what else I am?”

  I can’t imagine what he’ll say now. He’s been full of surprises, and I’m never quite sure what will come out of his mouth.

  “What are you?”

  He glances around the room as he holds up a finger. “Where’s your laptop?”

  “My laptop? What do you need that for?” Even though I ask, I get up from the table and retrieve my laptop, handing it over to him.

  I wait as he opens it, hops onto a web browser, and navigates to Netflix. Using his information, he logs on, and clicks on Favorites. “How else are we going to have a Twilight viewing party?”

  “Are you being serious right now?” He won’t give this up.

  “Yes. I am. Maybe you should admit you love it.”

  “If I admit it,
will you drop it?”

  “Sure, but we’ll still lie on your bed and watch it together.”

  “Fine.” If he wants to watch together, I’m not going to fight it. “We can only watch the first two at most. I have class in the morning.”

  He smiles at me, hits play, and takes my hand as we meet on the bed together. “That’s fine. As long as I’ve gotten you to admit you like it.”

  I haven’t said the words out loud, but I’ve given in.

  Chapter Four

  Lonely

  Alone

  Talking only to myself

  Music blaring

  People dance around me

  Paying me no mind

  I see you

  And you see me

  Our eyes lock

  And hold on forever

  Never let go

  ^^^

  I can’t believe I’m even doing this. The first couple weeks of school have gone by fast, and I’ve avoided Olivia as much as possible. She stumbles in at all hours of the night, and I try to be sure I’m asleep before she arrives back at the dorm. For not being even a month into school, my professors haven’t been shy about dumping on the school work, and Janna insisted I need to unwind.

  I don’t like parties. I never have, and I don’t think I ever will. Parties force you to socialize, or worse yet, you find no one wants to socialize with you so you’re shoved into a corner. There’s nothing worse than watching everyone laughing and dancing and having a great time while being stuck in the corner. Nobody may have put Baby in the corner, but I live there. The corner was invented for people like me.

  The party is off campus so we hop a ride with Janna’s friend, Paul. I’m not sure where they met—I haven’t seen him around campus—but they seem to be into each other. He’s cute, I guess, with his buzz cut and light eyes. Janna doesn’t seem to have any issues meeting people. I only really “know” Janna and Jesse in the short time I’ve been here. I’ve spoken with people in my classes, but I haven’t made any connections other than Janna. Chances are I never will.

  We pull up next to a house that looks like a duplex. The two-story house sits on a small hill with concrete steps leading to the front door. People fill the yard, the sidewalk, and glancing through the window I can see the house spilling over with students. I cringe as I think of the possibility of Olivia being inside. If she’s a jerk to me on campus I don’t want to think about how she would be off campus. I vow to stay close to Janna. I should be fine, then. Probably. More than likely. I hope so.

  When we exit the car, Paul gives Janna a hug and tells her he’ll check in with her later. “I have a few guys waiting on me.”

  Janna pats him on the butt. “Don’t drink too much,” she calls out to him as he hops up the steps. “You’re our ride back to the dorm!”

  I’ll be the one driving us back to campus. I don’t plan on drinking, and Janna shouldn’t either. We’re both under age. Something tells me that won’t stop her though. I’ll be the responsible one here. Since I didn’t want to come, I should be the one to drive us home and let them have their fun.

  “Come on, let’s go!” She links her arm in mine and drags me up the stairs.

  The music is so loud the windows are rattling. I don’t know how anyone can hear one another talking. Every single person in the house has a drink in their hand, and I can smell pot. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it’s definitely here. This doesn’t feel much different from a high school party. I’ve been to one. Tina invited me during senior year to one. I reluctantly agreed thinking attending one would somehow make the ridicule disappear. The only positive outcome from the party was my parents thought I had a good friend because I was out with someone. She didn’t mean to ignore me the entire night, but I sat on a chair in a stranger’s living room as everyone around me got high. I only wanted to be home.

  “I’m getting a drink. Do you want one?” Janna yells at the top of her lungs. I shake my head. “Are you sure?” I nod. I’ve established I’m not drinking tonight. As someone bumps into me and subsequently knocks into a table, I vow that I’ll never drink. I’m a lightweight, anyway. It’s not a good idea if I do.

  Janna leaves me standing next to the door, and I hug myself, rubbing my arms, not sure of where to go or what to do. I glance at the surrounding people, taking in their faces and their expressions. Everyone looks so happy, like they are having so much fun, and no one seems to notice me standing here. I guess that’s no different from any other day. I recognize a couple of people I share classes with or maybe passed on one of my sprints to class. No one stands out as anyone who would even recognize me if I tried to talk to them.

  “Hey!”

  I turn my head to Jesse coming up next to me. His hair is back in a tight pony tail, his muscles exposed in the tank he’s wearing. Man, he’s ripped. I didn’t see how buff he was before.

  Is he talking to me?

  “Violet! I didn’t know you were going to be here.”

  He stands next to me, and I breathe him in. He smells amazing. “Yeah. I came with Janna. She insisted.”

  “Yeah, that’s the thing about her. She’s persistent. You’ll learn that about her.”

  He smiles, and a dimple appears in his left cheek. I think I’m staring but I can’t look away. All I can think about is that night in my dorm room, laying on my bed with him as we watched Twilight and New Moon. Nothing happened between us, not that I expected it to. I guess a part of me hoped. He was—is—only being nice to me, though, maybe because his sister is such a jerk. He promised we’d finish the saga some day.

  “You don’t have a drink. I’ll grab you one.”

  Before I can stop him, he hops over a few steps, swipes a beer out of a cooler, and hands it to me. “Thanks.” I pop open the top. Maybe he won’t notice if I don’t drink it. I don’t want to come off as a teetotaler, even if that’s what I am.

  “Where is Janna, anyway?”

  “Who knows? She took off and hasn’t come back.” I glance behind me as though if I do she’ll suddenly be standing right there. She’s not.

  “She just left you here? That’s so rude. I’ll say something to her.”

  “No, no. Please don’t do that.” The last thing I need is Janna upset with me thinking I complained to Jesse about her. I never expected her to stick with me, which is part of the reason I didn’t even want to come. “It’s fine. I think she knows a lot of people here. I don’t.”

  “Well, that’s all the more reason she should be here with you. If you bring a friend somewhere, you stay with that friend.” He slides his arm around me, and my entire body fills with goosebumps. Jesse’s arm is around me. Me. “I’ll hang out with you.” He pulls me close, squeezing me against him, and against my best wishes, lets go. “To friends.” He holds his can up for a toast.

  I hesitate, but smash my can into his and take a drink. What’s one beer? There’s no harm in that.

  “And then she says I’m the jerk!” Jesse slaps my knee as he snorts, catching beer in his nose.

  We’re sitting on the floor in the bathroom, the only place we can seem to get enough privacy to talk and be able to hear each other over the noise of the party. The music seems to have gotten louder with every hour that’s passed. I don’t even know what time it is, but I’m having the time of my life with Jesse.

  And I’m drunk. So much for that.

  “How many of these have I even had?”

  “I’m not sure, but clearly enough.” Jesse takes the can from my hand and sets it on the tile floor. “Be honest with me. Is this your first time drunk?”

  I fixate on the floor and the design of the tile blurs together. He says my name, and I look up at him, and giggles take over. I slip and catch myself, my hands pressing against the cold floor. The room spins as my stomach joins it. I crawl over to the toilet, lift up the seat, and promptly throw up.

  I’m caught off guard when Jesse’s hands pull my hair back, and he starts moving his hand up and down my back. />
  “I’m going to take that as a yes.”

  I want to die. How can I do that in this bathroom? Slam the toilet seat on my head? That won’t be enough to put an end to this humiliation. My first time drunk and I’m at a college party with a super cute guy, and I throw up in front of him. This couldn’t be any worse.

  He flushes the toilet and closes the lid, keeping my hair in his hands as he pulls me close to his chest. Everything is still spinning, and my eyes swell with tears. I can’t believe this is happening. But of course, it is. Something had to go wrong.

  “I understand if you want to leave.” He could be at the party dancing with all the pretty girls. There’s no way he wants to be stuck in here with me. And that’s what he would be. Stuck.

  “I’m not going anywhere. You’re in no shape for me to leave you alone.”

  Sure I am. He can leave the bathroom, and I can sleep here because I know I’ll need that toilet again and again. I swear I’m never drinking again. I know I swore not to when I arrived at the party, but this time I mean it. I think of my parents, especially my dad, and how disappointed they would be if they walked in here right now. They trust me. With one beer (okay, maybe two or three), I’ve thrown all that away.

  “I’ll find Janna so she can take me back home.” So much for being the designated driver. Now I realize I’ve let down Janna and Paul, too, and myself the most. I can’t believe I did this.

  “You mean this Janna?” He opens an app on his phone and shows me my friend dancing on top of a table, clearly wasted. She’s circling her head like she’s at a rock concert and shaking her butt, jumping up and down with her hands in the air. “You’re not going anywhere with her tonight.”

  I can’t believe what I’m seeing. She seems like a pretty I-don’t-give-a-fuck kind of girl, but this is a little outrageous. The video has more than one hundred views on it with a couple dozen likes along with as many comments. She’ll regret that tomorrow. Who am I kidding? She won’t. She’ll probably brag about it. That’s what I’m learning about her, anyway.